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  • Geetha Vishwanathan

Whatever we give out comes back

Mam I lost my 3 month old baby boy whose demise has left a total void in my life, I still feel it’s my mistake, I feel I neglected him and could not save him. This came from a lady who said its almost 8 years and still she was suffering constantly thinking about the little bundle of joy which turned her joyful life into a sorrow filled one, she felt extreme heaviness in the chest when she thought about this loss.

We started the initial talks and most of the healing actually happens when the client opens the black box which they had kept shut till they come for a session. After 2-3 days of the birth of her second child the doctors informed that the baby had complications and had to be operated upon, a tube was inserted inside the baby such that it was visible outside and the doctors assured that after some months it may be removed. However the baby was continuously in pain and could not sleep, feed and as such the parents also faced pain till he was alive. After two and a half months the baby’s condition worsened and he was admitted in ICU where the doctors informed that he is responding to treatment very well. She waited outside with the hope that he will be back soon but unfortunately more pain was in store and suddenly one fine day she got a message that he was gone forever. She felt completely broken and started feeling guilty for not being able to save him. Although they had tried their level best to save him the guilt feeling was constantly there which called for a session and we started off. This was another online session and thanks to the inventor of internet the boundaries of distance could be easily conquered and the session commenced. She easily went into somnambulistic trance :

What comes to your awareness??

Its morning….looks like a garden….nothing in my legs….am wearing a plain covered….something….i am my age…..i am searching…..i am outside, I am tensed there…..i am walking…..i am wearing a white robe….

I am a girl….long hair…..I am short…..I am fat…I am very heavy…..I am calling Anirudh……there is a big house…nobody in the house….huge house….independant house….verandah outside….looks like a village….nobody near my house….finding myself alone….there is nobody there….I am searching for Anirudh….am trying to search him…..I don’t….know….looks like south Indian village type….many houses like mine….nobody is seen on the streets….looks as if only I am there …. the whole village…..no people around….there is some corridor outside….don't know why everyone left me alone and went….

See my mom cooking…am around 12-13….pavada satte (lehenga choli type of attire worn by Indian girls in villages)…..blue and red….she is calling me kanamma….she looks like my young mom….thin…..she is having a long hair…..I am playing alone…with pebbles…I am in the same huge house…..I can see a pati type(grandmother)she is sitting there….on a verandah outside….mom is preparing food…..

There is a mela type (country side fair)….dad is holding my hand….he is wearing a lungi and shirt, he Is dark….mom is there….we are roaming in the mela…many people….are there….south Indian dresses…..nine yards saree….playing in that mela…..games are there….

Its evening we are coming back home…..dont have brother sister…I stay there with my mom and dad…now I have a brother….his name is Anirudh….he is 5-6 years…old….

Oh God am sitting in front of his dead body…..he was 10 years old…..everyone is blaming me and I feel bad for that…..i was not playing…he was playing…..and fell down…..i didn’t take care of him…he was playing…

He is playing on the tree, I am sitting down under the tree…..I told him to jump down…I told I will hold you…but I couldn’t hold him….he hurt his head….he is bleeding….I am trying to carry him….shouting that Amma come he got hurt…doctors are called…Vaidya types.….our dresses are full of blood…..suddenly he is not able to breathe and he collapses….I shouldn’t have told him to jump….I leave the village and go…..pudukottai…..1890….I walked and left the village….coz I am angry…..I cry under a tree and feel nobody loves me…only anirudh….I am just crying…..still sitting under the tree…..I slept there…..I guess I left my body there….people have gathered around….they lift me and take me…..

I didn’t take care of my parents…I should not have left them so fast….should have taken care of them….taking responsibility of the younger one much more better…..

He was the same….one who came back as my son….made me go through what my mom would have gone through in that life, maybe that was my learning…I am just sitting…..there is a small boy playing flute(this is the most beautiful part of my sessions when the infinite takes over the client and helps them get over)….I don’t want to disturb him…..he kept his hand on my forehead…..all my questions and answers disappear. I am scared to come back coz I don’t want to lose him….he says No I will never lose him…..he says he will be there whenever I will think of him. I feel a lot more relieved and peaceful. Thank you so much.




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